Yes, we're rattling sabers again. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago. Thought it'd be a good time to post it.
Diplomacy Without Rattling Sabers?
I don't get it, well, maybe I do. When there is a crisis brewing the president always seems to somewhat toss out threats.
The problem, of course, that it ends up being like two little boys arguing in a school yard. Someone is going to lose face or there is going to be a fight. Yes, if alone, without the other kids watching, the situation could may have well been solved without violence. Think the same holds true for our leaders.
The problem, of course, that it ends up being like two little boys arguing in a school yard. Someone is going to lose face or there is going to be a fight. Yes, if alone, without the other kids watching, the situation could may have well been solved without violence. Think the same holds true for our leaders.
Wasn't Bush with the Bring it On, yeah, as he's curled up comfortably in the White House, it was easy for him to say. Yes, he of the shock and awe. He shamed us all.
Now, we have what seems to be a problem brewing with Iran. Many seem to be saying that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is trying to build the good old weapons of mass destruction.
I guess you could pose the question, Hey the US, North Korea, China, Pakistan, India, Russia, and others have nuclear weapons. Do we really have the right to tell Iran they can't have them?
Anyway, let's say that we decide they shouldn't, what should we do?
Yes, I know, I think that it's a little too late for me to be president; however, if I was here's what I hope I would do.
I'd put through a call to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
“Hi, this is George, President of the United States. We have a problem and I'm looking for a mutually acceptable answer to it.”
“Now, I can appreciate your position. You need to yell and scream and make threats about everything so you can save face. I understand that and I have no problem with that. This isn't about whose wiener's the biggest, this is about making sure no citizens get killed over this; yours and mine.
“So, here's what I suggest. You announce to your people that your country is no longer going to spend money on trying to develop nuclear weapons. You tell them that Mohammad or whoever talked to you, after you prayed of course, and said that your country should set an example for following the ways of the peaceful religion. OK?”
“Sound good so far?”
“OK, next you take apart the plants that were working on nuclear weapons. Either dismantle them or immediately convert them to be used for peaceful means and not making weapons.”
“Still with me?”
“No one will ever know about this conversation if you comply. If you don't, everyone will know that you had the chance to save your citizens and you didn't.”
“And, if I don't?”
“This is your first and last chance. Now, I've tried to be nice here. I'm looking out for your citizens and mine. I want no more unnecessary deaths. And, if you don't?
“Well, real simply Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, I'm going to fuck you up. Period. I think you can understand that language. I'm not going to bomb you. I'm not going to lob in 1000s of Cruise missiles.”
“What I am going to do is send the dogs of war after you. They will not stop until they have your fucking head on a pole. We will kill you, your family, we'll even kill your fucking dog, and hey, I like dogs. We will be unrelenting, we'll be worse than anything you can imagine. We will immediately start monitoring your every move and we'll know where you are 24/7 and when the time is right, we'll strike and, let me say again, we will fuck you up. You, your family and even your grand babies and all, every pet, everyone who you like and everyone who means anything to you and after you watch and know they are all dead, then we will kill you.”
“What I am going to do is send the dogs of war after you. They will not stop until they have your fucking head on a pole. We will kill you, your family, we'll even kill your fucking dog, and hey, I like dogs. We will be unrelenting, we'll be worse than anything you can imagine. We will immediately start monitoring your every move and we'll know where you are 24/7 and when the time is right, we'll strike and, let me say again, we will fuck you up. You, your family and even your grand babies and all, every pet, everyone who you like and everyone who means anything to you and after you watch and know they are all dead, then we will kill you.”
“Now, I offered a sort of olive branch to you and though I could be wrong, it would seem that you would rather act like an uncaring asshole, someone who would sacrifice his people for your inflated ego, your narcissism. Well, my last statement. I will not call or offer again. You have two days to make a public announcement. The same day we want to see activity at your nuclear facilities to convince us they are being converted for peaceful uses. Two days. And, then we are coming after you and yours. There will be no further deals, no further talks, no further discussions.”
“If you think that Mohammad can fuck you up, wait till the SEALs get you. Have a good day, sir.”
Click.
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